St. Valentine’s Day Updates: The Love Canal Syndrome
Sunday, February 13, 2011 at 4:11PM This essay addresses concerns over a column in the NYT (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/12/opinion/12collins.html?_r=1&ref=gailcollins) where Gail Collins suggested the recent outbreak of sexual misbehavior (requited or unrequited) in NYS might be linked to graveyards or witches. That's silly. I just wanted to set her straight with a scientific and medical explanation.
With prevailing westerly winds and a natural seaward flow, it shouldn’t be surprising to find air- and water-borne chemical agents and toxins, long buried and forgotten in Buffalo’s Love Canal spreading eastward in New York.[i] Much less serious than previous and ongoing concerns about contamination and chronic illness among local residents[ii], nevertheless attention has been refocused on Love Canal.
Despite extensive testing and constant monitoring we’re now seeing the first signs of renewed trouble, manifest in ways never anticipated. The effects are subtle, initially affecting the unfortunate among us who are the weakest and most susceptible.
The first reported case centered on New York’s 29th Congressional District, where a Democrat incumbent, one Eric Massa, fell victim to an as yet unidentified contaminant. While the physical manifestations of the exposure are difficult to detect, the psychological and behavioral pathologies were dramatic, especially when combined with work-related stress and repressed proclivities. A sexually straight and family-oriented conservative, Massa first showed symptoms of confusion and disorientation, specifically about his ‘orientation.’ Later, chemically-induced intoxication coupled with hypersensitive nerve endings, compelled Mr. Massa to seek out tactile stimulation in the form of tickling behaviors. His doctors, confronted with Mr. Massa’s complex case, advised strongly that he resign his stressful job and move away from all possible sources of contamination and temptation. Patient privacy laws prevent us from sharing his current prognoses, however experts not associated with Mr. Massa’s treatment suggest aversion conditioning (lots and lots of tickling) could be prescribed.
While there may be literally hundreds of earlier and later examples, undiagnosed or underreported, the second high profile case involved Republian Congressman Christopher Lee in the adjoining 26th District in Western New York State. Slower to develop, exposure to these toxins at first exacerbated Mr. Lee’s preexisting pathologies which included narcissism and anuptophilia[iii]. In this second case, hypersensitivity earlier noted in the Massa case, made Mr. Lee uncomfortable wearing clothes. There are indications that these same toxins might have caused tetanus or muscle rigidity which will most often affect arms and shoulders. Besides memory loss, indicated by his inability to remember where he worked, the existence of his family, or his own 'orientation,' this subject also became confused, in Mr. Lee’s case, with an inability to differentiate Emily’s List, Angie’s List and Craig’s List web sites. Recovering after aggressive treatment, Mr. Lee recalls making anonymous job-related crank calls to liberal female Democratic candidates on Emily’s List and searching for a reputable therapeutic masseuse on Angie’s List, but had no recollection or explanation of why he would have logged on to Craig’s List, unless in his confusion and pain it was simply a random call for help and an unconscious plea for a happy ending to his distress.
From an epidemiological standpoint, it would appear we might have a disease cluster forming in Western New York State. Researchers have attempted to tie other notable cases in New York to this cluster, but to date, indications suggest the aberrant behaviors shown by former New York Governors Spitzer and Patterson, despite occasional visits to those western districts, cannot be linked. While rumors persist that one of Governor Patterson’s mistresses was from Buffalo[iv], clinical research suggests this syndrome is not sexually transmitted. Indeed, an investigative panel concluded the two governors were not afflicted by the newly identified Love Canal Syndrome but were and are simply pricks.
We’ve been lucky so far, in that these two high profile cases were uncovered before the disease cluster became a cluster fuck. But without a renewed effort by our various state and local authorities, new cases are likely to appear as the toxic plume spreads toward Rochester, Syracuse and Albany.
[i] From Wikipedia: In the 1940s, the U.S. Army began using the site to dump wastes from the war effort during World War II, including some waste from the Manhattan Project, the rest of which was dumped in nearby Lewiston, NY, at the Niagara Falls Storage Site. By the 1940s, Hooker Electrochemical Company (later known as Hooker Chemical Company) founded by Elon Hooker, began searching for a place to dump the rampant amount of chemical waste it was producing. Hooker was granted permission by the Niagara Power and Development Company in 1942 to dump wastes in the canal. The City of Niagara Falls and the army continued dumping garbage. This dumpsite was in operation until 1953. During this time, 21,000 tons of chemicals such as "caustics, alkaline, fatty acids and chlorinated hydrocarbons from the manufacturing of dyes, perfumes, solvents for rubber and synthetic resins" were added. After 1953, the canal was covered with soil, and vegetation began to grow atop the dumpsite.
[ii] http://www.health.state.ny.us/environmental/investigations/love_canal/
[iii] http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/philias.html
[iv] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/08/paterson-affair-scandal-n_n_454045.html